The people vs. Steve Burnside
by Liquid
Summary: ~completed~ I, Liquid, want to kill Steve because he is worthless. But he wants to prove otherwise...please read and review.
1. Worthless human being

Steve was just getting up, when he heard a noise coming from the living room of the apartment that he was renting. So, he got out of bed, grabbed his golden glocks, and kicked open the door of his room.  
  
The living room was normal enough, except for the shattered window, and the brick with a note on it.  
  
Steve picked it up, and read it.  
  
Dear Steve. I have kidnapped your beloved Claire, and I have taken her to a location that is unknown to you or any other S.T.A.R.S. member. She cannot escape, and she will not be harmed as long as you comply with my demands. #1: You will not discuss this letter with anyone. #2: You will come alone to the gas station on Front Street at 3:00 PM today. There you will be taken to Claire. See you later.  
  
Sincerely:  
  
Liquid  
  
"Who the hell is Liquid"? Steve asked as he got dressed. "And what the hell does he want with me"?  
  
He got ready and went outside.  
  
***  
  
He arrived at the correct gas station at exactly the right time. Just as he got there, a limo pulled up, and the window was rolled down. The driver was Grey Fox from Metal Gear Solid.  
  
"Who are you"? Steve asked.  
  
"Neither enemy or friend". Fox replied. "I have been instructed to take you to Liquid".  
  
"Who is Liquid"?  
  
"You will find out".  
  
So Steve got into the back seat, and Fox drove away.  
  
"What does Liquid want with me"? Steve asked.  
  
He got no response as the limo drove on.  
  
***  
  
When the limo stopped, they were at an abandoned warehouse.  
  
Steve got out, and Grey Fox drove away.  
  
"Hey, wait"! Steve yelled.  
  
Fox was gone, and Steve drew his guns, and slowly walked into the warehouse.  
  
Once he was inside, the door closed and locked.  
  
"What the hell"? He asked as he tried to open the door.  
  
"You will find escape to be impossible, my friend". A voice said.  
  
He looked, and saw a guy not much older then himself. He had grey eyes, and short brown hair with two blond streaks on top. He wore Grey Fox's Powered Exoskeleton without the helmet.  
  
"Who are you"? Steve demanded as he aimed the glocks. "What have you done with Claire"?  
  
The other guy through his head back and laughed.  
  
"I'm afraid that Claire is not here". He said. "She never was".  
  
"What"?!  
  
"I'm surprised how easy it was to get you here". "You are just as gullible as Alexia says".  
  
Steve then unloaded his glocks into the other guy, sending him to the ground.  
  
"HA"! Steve yelled.  
  
He then turned to leave, but the other guy was suddenly right in front of him.  
  
"Who are you"? Steve asked as he backed away.  
  
"I am the one who is responsible for this story". He replied. "I am Liquid"…. "And you are going to die".  
  
(Dramatic Music is played)  
  
"WHAT"?!?!?!?! Steve yelled. "WHY"?!  
  
Liquid then became a blur as he dashed at Steve and used his fist to send Steve across the room.  
  
Steve smacked into the wall with a thud, and fell over.  
  
After a moment, Steve got up.  
  
He then reloaded his glocks and began firing at Liquid.  
  
The bullets bounced off of Liquid's head as he walked towards Steve.  
  
"What the hell are you"!? Steve yelled as he ran out of bullets.  
  
"I am the one who controls this story". Liquid replied.  
  
He then dashed over to Steve, grabbed him by the throat, and tossed him across the room.  
  
He then picked him up again, but this time Steve hit him with his gun. This did nothing except for making Liquid laugh.  
  
"Why are you doing this to me"? Steve asked. "What have I ever done to you"?  
  
"You are a worthless human being". Liquid replied as he lifted Steve up by his throat. "Your existence has no purpose".  
  
Then he started to squeeze.  
  
"I….am….not…..worth…..less". Steve gasped.  
  
"Oh, no"? Liquid asked.  
  
"I…helped….Claire".  
  
"So"?  
  
"Let….me….prove…my….".  
  
Steve was starting to turn blue, so Liquid dropped him.  
  
"What do you propose"? Liquid asked as Steve gasped for breath.  
  
"A trial". Steve replied once he got his breathing under control.  
  
(Dramatic music is played)  
  
"A trial"? Liquid asked. "Interesting". …… "So be it".  
  
Liquid snapped his fingers and everything went black. 


	2. The trial begins

Steve was suddenly sitting at the defendant's table of a large courtroom. He looked around, and saw some familiar faces, as well as unfamiliar.  
  
Liquid was now sitting at the Judge's place.  
  
The Bailiff was Albert Wesker.  
  
The Prosecutor was Solid Snake.  
  
Steve's lawyer was Claire Redfield (who else would defend him?).  
  
The Court Recorder was Otacon.  
  
The Jury was made up of: Liquid Snake, Sepheroth, Cypher, Dr. Wily, Duke Nuk'em, Scissor Man, and the entire cast of Army Men.  
  
"All rise". Wesker said. "The honorable Judge Liquid now presiding". "Case #1441: The people vs. Steve Burnside". "You may be seated".  
  
"Council will now make opening arguments". Liquid said as he leaned back in his chair.  
  
Solid Snake stood up.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury". Snake began. "Steve Burnside is a pathetic waist of protein, and deserves whatever Judge Liquid gives him". "I mean, come on, he looks like Leonardo De'Caprio".  
  
"I object"! Claire said.  
  
"Overruled". Liquid said. "Let the record show that Steve looks like Leonardo De'Caprio". "Please continue, Snake".  
  
"All he does in the game is hit on Claire". Snake said. "And we have all done that".  
  
"No you haven't". Claire said.  
  
"You want to go out"?  
  
"No".  
  
"Well, I tried"…. "I can't think of one time that Claire actually needed Steve". "Wesker was more useful in it".  
  
Snake then sat down, and Claire got up.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury". Claire said. "Everything that he just said, is bullshit".  
  
The Army Men then started firing at her, but Liquid redirected the bullets, making them hit themselves.  
  
"Let the record show". Liquid said. "That that was pretty damn funny". "Call some witnesses, goddamn it".  
  
"The people". Snake said. "Call Revolver Ocelot to the stand".  
  
Ocelot went up, and Wesker swore him in.  
  
"Ok, Ocelot". Snake said. "What do you think of Steve Burnside"?  
  
"I think". Ocelot said. "That he looks like Leonardo De'Caprio".  
  
"We've already established that".  
  
"I think it would be fun to have him as an enemy".  
  
"Why is that"?  
  
"Can you say: One shot kill"?  
  
"You think that it would be easy to kill him"?  
  
"He emptied his whole clip into one zombie".  
  
"Do you feel that he is worthless"?  
  
"Yes".  
  
"No further questions".  
  
Claire then got up.  
  
"Mr. Ocelot". She said. "What is your occupation"?  
  
"I am currently a radical terrorist".  
  
"So, you are trained in special forces"?  
  
"I used to be FOX-HOUND".  
  
"You rate Steve's skills compared to your own"?  
  
"Yes".  
  
"He had no training".  
  
"He also died".  
  
"Steve did better than a normal 17 year old would, right"?  
  
"I guess so".  
  
"No further questions".  
  
"Ocelot". Liquid said. "You may step down".  
  
Ocelot stepped down.  
  
"I call". Claire said. "Leon Kennedy to the stand". …… "Leon"?  
  
"Something wrong"? Liquid asked.  
  
"I can't find my witness".  
  
"Fine, court is in recess until Mr. Kennedy is found". "Until then, Steve will be held in………….the holding cell".  
  
(Dramatic music is played)  
  
Wesker then took Steve to the cell. 


	3. Hell in the cell

Wesker tossed Steve into the cell, laughed hysterically, and locked the door.  
  
"ASSHOLE"! Steve yelled.  
  
He looked around the cell. It was a normal cell in the basement of the courthouse. It contained a bed, a toilet, and a sink.  
  
"This blows". Steve said to himself as he sat down.  
  
"It's not so bad". Liquid said as he materialized next to Steve.  
  
"How the hell did you do that"?  
  
"I'm the author, I can do whatever I want".  
  
"You suck".  
  
"Well, I gotta go". "See you at the trial".  
  
Liquid then walked through the bars, and went up the steps.  
  
Steve then touched the bars to see if they were solid. They were, so he sat back down on the bed.  
  
"Steve". Claire said as she went up to the cell.  
  
"Claire"! He exclaimed. "Get me out of here"!  
  
"I can't". "This Liquid guy is just too powerful".  
  
"We have to do something"!  
  
"There is nothing that we can do". "We can only hope that Liquid sees how important you are".  
  
"Maybe you could try to talk some sense into him".  
  
"Good idea".  
  
She then went up the steps.  
  
***  
  
In Liquid's office, he and Snake were playing pool when Claire came in.  
  
"You changed your mind about going out with me"? Snake asked hopefully.  
  
"I'm afraid not". She replied. "I'm here to see Liquid".  
  
"Oh, sure you are". "No woman can resist Solid Snake".  
  
"Snake". Liquid said. "Could you give us a minute"?  
  
"Sure". "See you later, hotty".  
  
He then walked out.  
  
"What's this about"? Liquid asked.  
  
"I want you to let Steve go".  
  
"And why should I"?  
  
"Because if you harm him in any way, I'll reach down your throat, grab your ass, and turn you inside out".  
  
"How colorful". "You sound just like your brother".  
  
"Please let him go". "He didn't do anything to you".  
  
"He breaths my oxygen regularly".  
  
"You are the biggest ass that I have ever seen".  
  
"I will not release Steve". "The trial will proceed as planned".  
  
Claire then stormed out of the room.  
  
***  
  
Back in the cell, Steve saw someone coming his way.  
  
"Claire"! He yelled.  
  
"Yes, it's me". She replied as she took a key out of her pocket.  
  
She put it in the lock, and opened the door. Then she went in, and locked it.  
  
"What's going on"? Steve asked.  
  
"I took the key from Liquid". She replied. "But we might not make it out of here alive".  
  
She then kissed him, and he ran his fingers through her hair.  
  
Then the mask came off.  
  
"YOU"! Steve yelled as he backed against the wall.  
  
"I'm afraid so, Steve". Leon said. "But isn't it nice"?  
  
"No, get away from me"!  
  
"Oh, come on". "It's not all bad". "Now come here"!  
  
Screams echoed from the basement, as Liquid, and Alexia laughed. 


	4. Trial and error

The trial resumed and Steve was not very happy with Liquid.  
  
"I'll kill him with my bare hands". Steve said.  
  
"You wouldn't last for 3 seconds". Claire replied.  
  
"This trial is bad enough, but…".  
  
"But what"?  
  
"Never mind".  
  
"The defendant will now call his first witness". Liquid said.  
  
"We call Raiden to the stand". Steve said.  
  
"What about Leon"? Claire asked.  
  
"No".  
  
"Fine, we call Raiden".  
  
Raiden went up, and Wesker swore him in.  
  
"Raiden". Claire said. "How do you know Steve Burnside"?  
  
"We are both members of the P.B.G.O.A.". Raiden replied.  
  
"The what"?  
  
"The Pretty Boy Guild Of America".  
  
"And what does your guild do"?  
  
"We make the women's dreams true".  
  
"Does Steve serve a purpose"?  
  
"He's our poster boy".  
  
"Why is that"?  
  
"We tried to get Leonardo De'Caprio, but Steve was the best we could do".  
  
"So, Steve has a purpose"?  
  
"Without him, we would lose our charter".  
  
"No further questions".  
  
Snake then got up.  
  
"Hi, Raiden". Snake said.  
  
"Hello". Raiden replied.  
  
"Isn't it true that you are a half-wit"?  
  
"I object"! Claire yelled.  
  
"Well whoopdy ef-in doo". Liquid replied. "Overruled".  
  
"I am not a half-wit". Raiden said.  
  
"Oh, really"? Snake asked. "Didn't you once fail a piss-test because you mistook it for apple juice, and drank it"?  
  
"You promised not to tell"!  
  
"Do you feel that Steve is worthless"?  
  
"No".  
  
"In video games"?  
  
"Well….he did get locked in a room and almost died".  
  
"And Claire had to save him"?  
  
"Yes".  
  
"No further questions".  
  
"Raiden, you may step down". Liquid said.  
  
The doors were suddenly kicked open, and Cloud Strife ran into the courtroom. He had a sword with two blades on the same side, and he did a kamikaze scream as he leaped into the air, and flew towards Liquid.  
  
"I'll save you, Steve"! Cloud yelled as he buried the blades into Liquid's chest and they fell to the floor behind the Judge's seat.  
  
All that everyone else could see was the blades from Cloud's sword being raised up, and being slashed into something.  
  
A minute later, Cloud's head was flung across the room. Then Liquid stood up while holding the sword.  
  
He then discarded it, and sat in his seat.  
  
"That was amusing". Liquid said. "Let the record show…Otacon"? …."Otacon"?  
  
Liquid then activated his codec.  
  
"Otacon"! He yelled. "Get off of your sister and get your incest ass up here"!  
  
Otacon then entered the room, and sat down.  
  
"Next witness". Liquid said.  
  
"The people call". Snake said. "Steve Burnside".  
  
(Dramatic music is played)  
  
Steve went up, and Wesker swore him in.  
  
"Mr. Burnside". Snake said. "Are you fully aware of what this trial means for you"?  
  
"Yes". Steve replied. "It means that Liquid is going to kill me if I'm found to be guilty of worthlessness".  
  
"Exactly". "Do you consider yourself to be worthless"?  
  
"No".  
  
"Why not"?  
  
"Because I have sex with Claire every night". "I must be worth something".  
  
Chris Redfield then pulled out his 9mm, and emptied it at Steve, but Liquid made the bullets go back into the gun.  
  
"I've decided that Chris will carry out your sentence". Liquid said. "You better hope to be found not guilty".  
  
"Mr. Burnside". Snake continued. "Other than your relationship with Claire, are you worth anything".  
  
"Yes"?  
  
"Isn't it true that you surrendered to Claire after she fired two handgun rounds at you while you had a machine gun"?  
  
"I ran out of ammo"!  
  
"Yes or no"?  
  
"Yes".  
  
"No further questions".  
  
Claire then got up.  
  
"Steve". She said. "Didn't you have enough will power to save my life, even when you became a mindless Tyrant"?  
  
"Yes". He replied.  
  
"No further questions".  
  
"You may step down". Liquid said. "Court is now in recess until tomorrow".  
  
"Why"? Claire asked.  
  
"Because I got a date with Alexia, that's why". "Wesker, escort Steve to…the holding cell".  
  
(Dramatic music is played)  
  
"Now will someone tell me how the hell Cloud got in here"? Liquid asked as everyone left the room. 


	5. The rainbow offensive

Steve was once again in the cell.  
  
"If I get out of here alive, I'm going to cut off Liquid's balls and feed them to him".  
  
"Steve". Claire said as she walked up.  
  
"Oh, no". "Not this time".  
  
"What are you talking about"?  
  
"Uh…. never mind".  
  
"Listen, I've got an idea".  
  
"What"?  
  
"This is the only thing left that might stop Liquid".  
  
"I thought that Cloud was supposed to stop him".  
  
"He's stronger than I thought".  
  
Claire then took the cell phone off of her belt, and dialed a number.  
  
"Hello, Johnny"? Claire asked. "Get me Rainbow 6".  
  
***  
  
About 20 minutes later, Liquid was walking down the hall to where he was supposed to meet Alexia.  
  
He entered a large room, and Alexia was not there.  
  
"Freeze"! The Rainbow 6 members yelled as they surrounded him.  
  
"How did you get in here"? Liquid asked.  
  
They then fired, but Liquid jumped into the air, drew two 8-inch knives, and landed behind one of them.  
  
He then slit the man's throat.  
  
Then he went after the next closest one, cutting his legs, arms, back, and finally his throat.  
  
The other members opened fire, but Liquid began spinning around, and used the knives to block the bullets, as he got closer.  
  
The next one was taken out with a stab to the head, and the one after that was gutted.  
  
"What the hell are you"?! The last one yelled as he fired.  
  
Liquid blocked the bullets, and knocked the gun out of his hand. Then he lifted him up by the throat.  
  
"Did you honestly think that you could kill me"? Liquid asked. "I am invincible".  
  
He then snapped the man's throat, and walked back down the hall.  
  
***  
  
Claire and Steve were talking, when Liquid appeared behind Steve.  
  
He then put Steve in a sleeper hold.  
  
"You sent Rainbow 6 after me". Liquid said. "And I trust that you sent Cloud as well"?  
  
"Yes". Claire said. "We did".  
  
Liquid then tossed Steve into the wall, and walked through the bars. He then got right in front of Claire.  
  
"You are either very brave or very stupid". He said as he walked past, and up the steps. "The trial continues in 15 minutes".  
  
Liquid was then gone.  
  
"We are in such deep shit". Steve said as he got up.  
  
"He killed Rainbow 6"! Claire exclaimed.  
  
"Stay calm". "We can get through this".  
  
"I love you, Steve".  
  
"Oh, will you cut it out"? Liquid's voice said. "Get your asses up here".  
  
The cell door opened, and they went up the steps. 


	6. The end is near

The trial resumed, and Liquid sat down.  
  
"If there are no more witnesses, council will make closing arguments". Liquid said.  
  
Solid Snake got up.  
  
"All right you Jury punks". He said. "Steve Burnside is a worthless waist of protein, and should die for it". "His attorney sent many assassins to kill Liquid, and their whole case has no grounds". "Plus, he looks like Leonardo De'Caprio, which is a crime in itself". "Make the right choice".  
  
He sat down, and when Claire walked past him, he pinched her ass. She then smacked him.  
  
"I like it rough". Snake said.  
  
"Uh…go away". Claire said.  
  
She then got ready to talk.  
  
"Evil villains of the Jury". She said. "Steve is not worthless". "The fact that several people gave their lives in an attempt to free him, proves this". "Let him live".  
  
She then sat down.  
  
"The Jury will now decide Steve's fate". Liquid said.  
  
The Jury members then went into the Jury room.  
  
***  
  
5 hours later, the Jury room doors opened, and the jury came out.  
  
"Have you reached a verdict"? Liquid asked.  
  
"Yes we have". Liquid Snake said.  
  
"Go on".  
  
"On the charge of being worthless, we find the defendant, Steve Burnside…not guilty".  
  
Steve jumped for joy, and Liquid drew his gun.  
  
"However". Liquid Snake continued. "On the charge of looking like Leonardo De'Caprio, we find the defendant, Steve Burnside…guilty".  
  
Liquid put away his gun, and the color drained out of Steve's face.  
  
"Well, now". Liquid said. "Steve Burnside, stand up".  
  
Steve did.  
  
"You have been found guilty of looking like Leonardo De'Caprio". "And therefore, you are sentenced to….".  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Gasp! Steve has been found guilty of a very serious crime. It is up to you, the reader, to tell me what kind of interesting punishment will work for this public enemy. The best one will be selected, and the story will not continue until I get some ideas. So read and review. 


	7. Sentence

"Steve Burnside". Liquid said. "You are hereby sentenced to spend 6 months locked in the holding cell with…Leon".  
  
(Dramatic music is played)  
  
"NO"! Steve yelled as Wesker dragged him to the basement. "HAVE MERCY"!  
  
"Court is adjourned". Liquid then said.  
  
"YESSSSSSSSSSS"! Solid Snake yelled. "Hey, Claire, how about giving me a big victory kiss"?  
  
"All right, you ass hole". She replied. "Come with me".  
  
"Where are we going"?  
  
"We are going to settle this once and for all".  
  
***  
  
Everyone was leaving, but Liquid was going through some stuff in the courthouse.  
  
He was going towards his office, when he heard a noise.  
  
"What now"? He said to himself as he realized that the sound was coming from his office.  
  
He walked through the door, and saw Snake and Claire having sex on his desk.  
  
So he walked back through the door, and then started laughing hysterically.  
  
He then went into the basement.  
  
"Hi, Steve". Liquid said.  
  
"When I get out of here". Steve began.  
  
Liquid then noticed that Steve was wearing a chicken suit.  
  
"I have something to tell you". Liquid said.  
  
"What"?  
  
"Guess who I just saw having sex".  
  
"Who"?  
  
"Claire and Solid Snake".  
  
Steve then started flipping out, and Leon came into view. He was wearing Frank'n'Furter's outfit from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  
  
"Well, I hope that the two of you will have fun". Liquid said as he walked up the steps.  
  
Liquid then left and got into his Viper. Alexia was in the passenger seat.  
  
"Where were you"? Liquid asked.  
  
"I had some business to take care of". She replied. "Nothing to worry about".  
  
"Good". "What should we do now"?  
  
"How about we go to a local bar, get real drunk, and go back to my place"?  
  
"Sounds good to me".  
  
Liquid then started the engine, put it in gear, and floored it down the road. 


End file.
